Bruvvahood of da bling!
by VampirePugin
Summary: Whut happenz wen a groop ov fit boiz go 2 mownt morbord 2 spoil da goffz bling?
1. Chapta 1: Gud bling and pimpin weels!

A/N: Okay, before we get started, I do not own LOTR, Tolkien does. And no, I do not really write in this simply ghastly style.  


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Dis iz ma stori!  
Am ritin dis wiv ma new Sharpie! David Beckham iz well cleva to invent da sharpie!

Dis 1 tym der woz dis war cuz sum goffs an greebos trid 2 take ova da wrld! Der woz dis big mosha boi huu wuz called Sowron or summink an e wonted 2 be king. So e sent owt sum goffs 2 c wot all da otha pplz wer found owt dat pplz wer makin deze ringz witch wer well flash!  
He was well jelus sos he got da goffs 2 make him sum bling ad speshul powwas an he started a war.  
No1 wuz avin ani sos dey bashed him an da goffs an he got happislapped an it went on dis guy called Izzydurz bebo page.

Izzydur stole da ring cuz it was pimpin 24 carat!  
Izzydur got jumped 1 nite bi a gang ov lads cuz he wuz getting off wiv sum otha lads grl in da club, huu was a total minga anyway.  
Wen he dyed tha hoochi nicked it off his finga cuz she fort _'dis iz sum gud bling.'_  
The ringz speshul powwas meant it wuz lyk a giant splif an she got addikted 2 it an er fella kicked her owt cuz she wuz a ho. She ended up livin in a puddel in da local park. Ppl startid callin her Gravvel cuz she smoked so mani fags an spliffz she sounded lyk she ad swallowed one of them posh carparks, innit. She had 17 kids by 50 different fellas an she woz a druggi.  
Then sum theevin fella huu woz called Bobbo Baggumz came an mugged her cuz she woz proppa hammered after a nite of hard partying on da town. He stole all her bling inklewding her clown pendunt, hewp earings and swavverotskey belly ring but worst ov all he tuk da tha ring.  
she went menkal an ended up in a home. She escaped an went lookin 4 da ring.

Bobbo Baggumz settelled down in a ghetto called Da Shya. He woz da pimp daddi an every1 gave him respect coz he wud bash dem if dey had a neffew called Frozzo. He woz a likkle playa. He had 3 main blud bruvvaz in hiz cru. Dere namez wer Sammo, Merri and day Frozzo woz sat on a brik wall spittin at pplz as they went past as they wuz thinking dey wuz it. Then he sor a well pimped owt car pull up nxt 2 him. It woz painted gold and had ome of dem sail things on da back wiv a huge spoila. MC tunez wer blastin lowd.

It wuz his frend Gendolf da Gold! Gendolf wuz quite old. e wuz 40. He wuz well known in da shya cuz e wuz a propa rudeboi even tho e wuz old an everyfin. E also deeled drugz an once he had a proppa fite in witch he had a nife!  
"Yo Blud" He said.  
"Yo." said Frozzo.  
Gendolf took Frozzo 2 Maccies were dey sat owtside eatin berga an chipz an harrasin pplz. Dey rote sum rude wurds on da wall then dey went 2 Clintons Cards 2 by a card 4 Bobbo cuz it was cumin up his 36th birfdai, dey shoplifted it but dey woz both iliteret so's dey cuddnt rite on it, den they bort sum Wite Litening cider 2 take 2 Bobboz parteh.  
Bobbo wuz wearin hiz new burberry trackki and hat.  
"I'm leavin dis Ghetto an am goin livin in LA." He said.

Then he put on the bling and he wuz invisibul. He ran 2 hiz crib but Gendalf wuz alredi there cuz he droved.  
"Bobbo give me da ring." Said Gendolf.  
"no" Bobbo said.  
Gendolf mugged him and tuk da ring. He tuk it 2 Frozzo.  
"Lets go an happislap sum goffs in Mount Morbord."  
"Yeh dirti moshas!"  
Dey paked der bagz and went on da moterway, wen dey called at one of them motorway caffs, Sammo jumped owt of a bush.  
"I wanna bash goffs 2!" so he got in da car dey bumped in2 Pippo and Merri, huu wer MC-in in a stoled car. BRAP BRAP!  
Dey got in2 Gendolfs car an dey all drove off 2 a hotel above a service station.  
"Oi, give us a room or we will nife ya."  
Dey got dere room an spat owt da windos at all da cars. Ppl complaned but dey cudnt du anyfink.

Wen dey wuz asleep sum well tall moshaz called Black Metallaz came in. Dey wuz ppl huu wuz blud bruvvaz ov Sowren. Dey had long greesey dredloks and eyeliner even tho they were were payle and wor lotser chanes. They had tall bewts wit bukklez on and were veri ugli.  
Frozzo an hiz cru wer sayved bi da fone ringin wiv Fiddyz Candi Shop.  
Da BlakMetellaz screemed lyk dey do in all der songz. Dey ran awa.


	2. Chapta 2: Revvindell and moar fit boiz!

Chapta 2  
Av u erd da new Pussikat Dollz song cuz it iz well bangin tuneage!?

Dey went 2 sum ghetto called Revvindell wer dey always had da best eva pimped owt carz. Der woz a fit lad called Aragaz hu had a NIKE trainerz. It woz obveusly a speshul edition coz da tik woz da utha way rownd. He had a gurlfrend called WinWin coz she gambled. She luked lyk ma frend Charlene (xX luv yu grl! We iz bezzies 4eva! Xx) huu is well pretti. All da boiz fink shez fit.

There wuz anuvva fit lad called Legzi an e woz blond an e woz wearin a futbal shirt an e had iz trakki bottomz tucked in2 iz sox. He woz an MC. He had 4 sovrin ringz, stud earing an a thik gold chane wich woz a bit green cuz dat iz da mark of quality bling. Hiz bezzie m8 Gimz woz well gud at beetboxin. He also did da remixes ov Legziz stuf. He ad a likkle mustash an a beerd on da end ov hiz shin. He had a trakki on.  
It woz burberry. ~  
Dey tuk Frozzo an Gendolf an da cru to meat dis pimp called Ronni. Ronni woz WinWinz dad. He gave er 50 poundz poketmunni a dai coz e erned 5thowsand a day from drugdeelin an stuffz. E also stole an sold da stuff ovaseez wen dey all went to Ibiza.

Frozzo predused da ring.

"Wow luk at dat bling" sed Ronni.  
"Itz even betta dan da 1 Aragaz got mi from Argos. An myn haz a dymond innit." Sed Win.  
"Ma dad az a betta ring dan dat" Sed a lad huu woz called Boz. He had all his hare shaved at da sidez an a circel ov hare at da top, lyk Charlenez fella haz.  
"Yor dadz 1 of them gayz tho." Sed Win.  
"OMG! U iz bang owt of orda. He iz da stewart ov Gongdor!" sed Boz  
"He iz a bit goffik too, Boz." Sed Ronni.

It woz tru. Da Stewart ov Gongdor, Dennyfor, woz a gay goff. He painted the entire cassel black wiv pink dotz an hiz hare woz longa dan any of da girlz. He wor lotsov eyelina an even mascara. He woz so payle he luked ded. He wor dressis tha he ensested wer royel rowbs an tal bewts. Peepel thort he woz in leeg with Sowron. He woz sumtimez mistaken 4 a Blak Metalla!  
He had annuvva sun called Farro huu he hated cuz Farro woz Johoverz Witnus and Dennythor woz a saytenist. He liked Boz betta coz hiz frendz wer well hot. He onli got 2 be stewart ov gongdor cuz he slept arownd.  
"Ma dad iz not gay or a goff." Sed Boz.  
"Bredren!" sed Frozzo, "Wat r u doin? Yu cant jump eech utha. We gonna jump dem goffix."  
"Frozzo iz rite!" sed Ronni. Frozzo gave Ronni da ring an Ronni held it up soz everi1 cud c it.

"DAT IZ GUD BLING BRUVV" sed every1"  
We iz gonna tak it 2 da big volkano in Morbord and melt it down 2 make a betta ring dat iz a sovrin ring. Dat iz pimpage." Sed Gendolf.

Dey made a cru of Frozzo, Sammo, Merri, Pippo, Gendolf, Legzi, Aragaz, Gimz and Boz to go to da volkano.  
Win woz sad dat Aragaz had 2 go cuz she wuz pregnunt and woz 25% sure it woz hiz, cuz she woznt a slut or anyfing lyk sum.

Dey set off from Revvindell in Gendolfz pimpmobile but it brok down 2 meters from da gate and no1 wud lend dem a car coz Gendolf wuz an agressiv driva. So dey had 3 days wurth of warking, causin trubbel on da buz lyk tru rudeboiz an steelin carz dey arrived at sum mynes. Da mynes had a dor dat dey cuddent open. Dere wuz a passwerd but dey wuz all illiteret so dey cudent werk it owt.


End file.
